“tell me, do you love him?”

“i love him enough.”

and so, is that how it will be from now on? a second-rate type of love? if so, let me know, so that i can ’settle’.

maybe my ticket for first-rate love has already expired.

the thing is. it was like wearing a pair of comfortable shoes. well-worn, pre-loved. you know exactly where the seams are falling apart, where the grooves are, the one way to walk such that it doesn’t make that flappy noise, and those soft spots, that make it your favourite pair in the whole wide world.

was talking to R the other day when she brought up the term ’social incest’, which struck me with such force; akin to a block of wood coming towards me at full speed. perhaps it was the relevance, or maybe even the fact that the pairing of these two words had never occurred to me, that got me thinking long after that conversation was over.

social incest.

let that phrase roll around in your head if you please. the meaning itself is self-explanatory. yet, it explains my current situation to a tee.

so the premise is that being the busy human folk that we are, we lack the foresight and time to mingle out of our current social group. which, in that sense, results in us having relationships within this same group.

so like that how? (don’t look at me, i’m a victim too)

which leads me to my next epiphany about self-sabotage. blah blah blah.

isn’t it strange how it’s basically a vicious cycle of destructive relationships and never-ending pain?

sigh.

it’s just one of those friendships that allow us to pick up right where we left off. it’s almost as if these years were a but mere split second of being apart. where does that leave me exactly?

all people dream, but not equally.
those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind,
wake in the morning to find that it was vanity.

but the dreamers of the day are dangerous people.
for they dream their dreams with open eyes,
and make them come true.

d.h. lawrence